Reflecting on my life, I see many things I have received and many things I have lost. I see joy and pain. I see companionship and loneliness. Plenty and little. Nights where I rested in a snug and warm bed, and nights where I slept without shelter.
Lord, I see Your bounty. I see that You have many sheep, abundant food, and a house filled with laughter, joy, peace, and safety. Yet I have known tears, sadness, disorder, and danger. I have asked for decades, and it has often felt as though my words were wasted and trampled underfoot. My enemies gloat over me; they mock and laugh.
Lord, when I asked for honey, I received thistles to feed upon. I received bitterness where I had hoped for sweetness. I asked You for guidance, direction, and clarity, yet You led me into a thick and misty darkness. There I stumbled. There I fell. There I heard the cries of lost souls. The enemy struck at me without missing their mark. Their stones found my softest places. I cried out to You in my thirst, yet my cup seemed filled with sand.
Yet You accompanied me.
Even when I cried out in pain, even when I called and You did not answer, You remained near. You gave me joy, and You took it away again. I asked only to remain seated in this barren place, but You said that You would lead me to a place of rest. Yet I walked into a cold gorge lined with sharp edges, and I was cut to pieces.
At last, I saw cool water for my thirst. Finally, rest seemed near. The stream appeared gentle and refreshing, and for a moment it promised rest. But when I drank from it, it burned within me, and bitterness filled my mouth.
You, Lord Most High, King of Glory and Prince of Peace — after walking with You for most of my life, after seeing the joy of others, after tasting moments of peace myself, even after those moments were taken away and I was once again struck by stones — even then, I would still rather sit with You, thirsty and hungry, surrounded by chaos, fear, and hatred, than possess all the joy, peace, and abundance of this world without ever seeing You again.
I would rather have You in this barren place, where You are all I have, than exchange You for a better place without You.
You are my joy.
You are my peace.
You are all I have.
And I would rather keep it that way than lose You for riches, comfort, love, or earthly peace.
You are great, O Lord. Your promises of rest spoken from Your mouth are greater than any rest found apart from You.
Praise be to our glorious and loving God.